I quit my job yesterday. It was actually a lot more difficult than I expected it to be. I’ve been with my company (well, former company, I guess) for over eight years. I think it’s a fabulous company to work for, and I worked with some pretty wonderful people. I sobbed quite a bit after I hung up the phone with my boss yesterday, which caught me by surprise. I was so sure that I was making the right decision that I didn’t expect any tears. I’m going to truly miss a lot of my coworkers, and I took a lot of pride in working for the company, so I probably should have anticipated some mixed emotions.
I have known for a while that I would most likely be quitting, but I needed to give it more time to make sure it was the right choice. There are multiple reasons I decided to leave. The first part is my continued inability to concentrate. I just don’t have the ability to focus the way I know is necessary to do my job. I also know that I am far too fragile at this point to handle it. I knew that the first time (and possibly the first 70 times) someone argued with me, was pushy with me, or attempted to throw me under the bus, I’d be a puddle of tears. The third reason is I’m not willing to travel if I get pregnant again, which would make me unable to complete my job requirements. I also would probably quit immediately upon getting pregnant, and I’m hoping that will happen sooner rather than later, so I decided to just quit now.
There’s one other reason: it’s not what I want to do with my life. As much as I loved the company and the people I worked with, my career path wasn’t right for me. It wasn’t my dream, and when Jillian died, I realized that life is too short and too precious to do something that doesn’t bring happiness into my life. I’ve been a hobbyist chocolatier, and that’s what I want to do. I’ve decided to focus on creating a chocolate business.
It’s definitely risky, but if I don’t try it, I’m going to always wonder if I could have done it. There’s a part of me that worries about starting this and then getting pregnant, because even if I’m not on bed rest, being on my feet for hours at a time doesn’t seem like the best idea, but I’m just going to take it one day at a time and cross that bridge when I come to it. If I wait until after we’re finished having kids, I’ll probably be too busy with the kids, plus I think holding off because I want to get pregnant is just going to put more stress and pressure on me.
So, as of today, I have my dream job. I’m a chocolatier. Also, if anyone needs chocolates for weddings, parties, gifts, etc., you know where to find me. That will be the last shameless plug you’ll see here – promise.