Dave and I planted an azalea a few days before Jillian’s due date. I went out to our patio Sunday morning, and I saw buds on the plant for the first time. I have interpreted it as a Mother’s Day gift from my sweet girl. I also realized that the red azalea we bought actually has pink flowers. I’m not sure if it was a tag mixup or Jillian making her color preference known. I sat down to cry, and the wind started blowing. Suddenly, I felt Jillian’s presence more than I ever had. I knew she was watching over me, and it confirms for me that she is definitely still here. I felt a little bit like I was going crazy, but I don’t think I could ever be convinced that I wasn’t feeling her.
Yesterday morning, I stayed in bed after Dave left for work (I normally get up when he leaves, but I haven’t been feeling well). Sunlight started to come in from one of our windows. One of our wedding pictures is in a frame on our dresser, and it caught my eye. The only spot in our entire room that had any light on it was my wedding dress. It seemed to be glowing, which is why it caught my eye. My heart swelled as I felt Jillian again. I said her name out loud, then cried as I told her I love her and miss her. After a minute or two, the light disappeared, and I couldn’t feel her anymore.
I feel so crazy admitting this that I’m not sure I’m going to actually publish this post. However, just like I felt her on Sunday, I know that I felt her yesterday, and nobody can tell me otherwise, despite the fact that I’m the world’s biggest skeptic about everything. It is a feeling unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, and it’s amazing. It’s so peaceful and it makes me happier than anything else in the world.