Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Dave and I planted an azalea a few days before Jillian’s due date.  I went out to our patio Sunday morning, and I saw buds on the plant for the first time.  I have interpreted it as a Mother’s Day gift from my sweet girl.  I also realized that the red azalea we bought actually has pink flowers.  I’m not sure if it was a tag mixup or Jillian making her color preference known.  I sat down to cry, and the wind started blowing.  Suddenly, I felt Jillian’s presence more than I ever had.  I knew she was watching over me, and it confirms for me that she is definitely still here.  I felt a little bit like I was going crazy, but I don’t think I could ever be convinced that I wasn’t feeling her.

Yesterday morning, I stayed in bed after Dave left for work (I normally get up when he leaves, but I haven’t been feeling well).  Sunlight started to come in from one of our windows.  One of our wedding pictures is in a frame on our dresser, and it caught my eye.  The only spot in our entire room that had any light on it was my wedding dress.  It seemed to be glowing, which is why it caught my eye.  My heart swelled as I felt Jillian again.  I said her name out loud, then cried as I told her I love her and miss her.  After a minute or two, the light disappeared, and I couldn’t feel her anymore.

I feel so crazy admitting this that I’m not sure I’m going to actually publish this post.  However, just like I felt her on Sunday, I know that I felt her yesterday, and nobody can tell me otherwise, despite the fact that I’m the world’s biggest skeptic about everything.  It is a feeling unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, and it’s amazing.  It’s so peaceful and it makes me happier than anything else in the world.

10 thoughts on “Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind.

  1. You’re not crazy. I firmly believe that she comes around and lets you know she’s watching over you.

  2. You’re not crazy in the slightest. And you know what? If it gives you peace and comfort, there is absolutely nothing wrong with indulging in the feelings. She watches over you, and if she wants to make her presence known to make her mama feel good.. that’s amazing.

  3. You are definitely not crazy. I completely believe that she makes herself known to you (and Dave) and brings you peace and comfort.

  4. That’s awesome! I love your stories and even if you feel crazy, believe them with all your heart!

  5. You aren’t crazy at all. I really believe that our loved ones who have been lost continue to watch over us. I am sure you are feeling like this because your little girl wanted to have some special moments with her mommy.

  6. Oh Megan, you are not crazy! I absolutely believe that everytime you feel Jillian or sense that she is around you, it’s her. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

  7. I’m glad you decided to post this because you’re not crazy at all. I’m also a bit of a skeptic but choose to believe that there is an afterlife and that Jillian could make her presence known to you. And that’s why she hears you when you talk to her and feels the love you send to her. Who’s to say if it’s true or not? It’s what you feel that matters most and you felt your little girl there with you.

  8. Of course Jillian was there!! She is watching over her Mommy and sending reminders so that you won’t be too sad and so you remember that she is always with you. <3 <3 <3 =)

  9. I have no problem believing Jillian is still a part of your life and your world and always will be. I hope her flashes of presence bring you comfort.

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