My friend Susan, who I’ve mentioned on here before, came to visit this weekend. I had been counting down the days until she got here, and fortunately, time didn’t drag like I thought it would. I was so excited that she finally got to meet Dave. We spent a lot of time with some local internet-turned-real life friends and I showed her as much of Boston as I could. I tried to play tour guide, but I realized I’m not a very good one (unless someone wants a tour of bars I frequented my first few years here, because those seem to be the landmarks I know). Except Fenway. I think taking her there for Sunday’s game earned me forgiveness for not knowing as much historical information about this city as I should.
We spent a lot of time talking about our precious girls, the feelings we have about losing them, and our hopes and fears for the future. A lot of our conversations ended with “I understand.” I love Susan because she’s hilarious, beautiful, smart, and one of the nicest people I know, so I would love her without our common tragedies, but there is something so comforting about being around someone who gets it. I don’t have to explain why I started crying on some random street corner for some reason that I can’t remember, and she knows that I’m okay (in a relative sense) when it happens. She understood why I had to take a sudden detour in the Public Garden because my heart couldn’t handle the Make Way for Ducklings statue (we read Jillian that book twice the night we said goodbye), and she didn’t think it’s weird. I know most people would be understanding of it, but with her, I know that without a doubt, she didn’t think to herself that I must be on the verge of a breakdown, which is something I worry about when I start crying in random places at random times.
She is truly an amazing person, and I’m so lucky that I can call her my friend. In the first several weeks after Jillian died, whenever I couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed in the morning, I thought of Susan. She has been so strong since her beautiful Katie passed away, and seeing how she has survived such an awful tragedy made me realize that I could survive and gave me so much strength. I honestly do not know what I would do without her.
I love you, Susan. I can’t wait to visit you soon.