Only a few people have seen this picture. I have been very hesitant to let anyone see it, and not just on the internet. Almost six months after she was born, I’m finally ready to share it with the world (I think). I’m still pretty apprehensive to post it, but at the same time, I want everyone to see how beautiful and perfect she was.
Only one stranger has seen this photo. It was a little girl sitting next to me on a plane last month. It’s the background on my computer, and when I turned it on, she asked if the baby was mine, and then asked if she was a boy or girl. Her questioning terrified me, because I was so afraid she would ask what the tubes were for, or why she was so tiny, or why she wasn’t with me. She was an unaccompanied minor, so there was no parent there to guide me with my answers. How would explain to total stranger, a young child, why my daughter is no longer with me? When I told her that Jillian was a girl, she just said, “she’s pretty” and went back to whatever she was doing as I sat there trying not to start bawling. It’s one of those moments that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. That little girl gave me the courage to share this picture here.