How is it possible that it’s been eight months already? We have so much going on that time is flying.
While I usually feel pretty good about how fast time is going, sometimes I hate it. Last week, after we went to bed, Daddy mentioned that he couldn’t believe it was almost August. He then said that he doesn’t think about things in terms of “the summer flying by” anymore, and when he started to say how he thinks of it, I finished his sentence: now it’s how long you’ve been gone.
I told him I needed to stop talking about it because I was going to cry. I thought about how before we know it, it will be a year since I’ve held you, kissed you, smelled you, or told you that I love you more than anything in the world. I still tell you that every day, but it’s not the same as telling you while I’m sitting at your bedside or holding you. Suddenly, I was crying harder than I have in a while. I couldn’t catch my breath and the world was closing in on me. It’s just so unfair that the most important part of our lives is gone. We’re both so thankful for all the good things in our lives, and we know that in some ways, we’re very fortunate, but most of it doesn’t mean anything. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t give up to have you back, even for just another minute.
We love you and miss you so much, Jilly bear. I still can’t believe that I was lucky enough to be your mommy. Even though I’ve been very sad, nothing makes me smile as much as thinking of you.