It’s been a tough couple of days. Nothing really specific has happened, but I’ve done a lot of crying. I’ve also done a lot of smiling because I’ve been trying to focus on the good moments we had with Jillian. That usually leads to crying, though.
I was thinking earlier about all of Jillian’s stuff. We have a drawer full of her clothes in our bedroom, and I have several dresses of hers hanging in my closet. I can’t bring myself to put them away. They’re all so pretty, and it doesn’t hurt to see them the way I thought it would. The first thing I did when we came home from the hospital was open my closet and run my fingers over the dresses. For some strange reason, seeing them provides comfort. I’ve also been unable to do anything with her stroller. I guess I’m hoping that we’ll be able to put it to use before too long.
We start our support group next week. Dave is looking forward to it, for no reason other than he hopes it will help, but I’m pretty nervous about it. I know the first session is going to be tough, mainly because I imagine that we’ll all have to share our stories about why we’re there. On the other hand, I’m looking forward to talking about Jillian. Nothing makes me happier than telling anyone who will listen all about her.