11 Months

Dear Jillian,

Happy 11 months, sweetheart. Daddy and I still miss you so much and think and talk about you every day.

Your little brother will be the same gestational age tomorrow that you were when you were born. Honestly, I thought I’d be hanging upside down from the ceiling by this point or too scared to get out of bed, but I’m holding up better than that. I’m not sure how tomorrow will be. All week, I’ve been thinking about everything I did in the days leading up to your birth. I think the memories are vivid because I spent months reliving those days, trying to pinpoint something that I did that caused your early arrival. I know tomorrow will be hard, along with the four days that follow it. Even though it’s a different pregnancy and it’s not your birthday, I know I will be reliving your days with us. I know I’ll probably do it again at your birthday, too.

Speaking of your birthday, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how we’re going to spend the day. I am determined to have a nice day. Even though I know we will be very sad, it’s going to be a day to celebrate you and think about all the good that you created for us in your short life.

We love you so much, monkey, and always will.


5 thoughts on “11 Months

  1. I’m so proud of you for how you’re holding up, especially as these milestones approach and pass. *hugs* You’re doing an amazing job, and Jillian is watching over you and her new brother.

  2. I hope tomorrow goes okay for you! I am thinking of all of you and praying that this LO stays backing at least another 15 weeks. 🙂

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