Third Trimester

After we lost Jillian, reading or hearing the phrase “third trimester” was enough to make me throw up. It was the trimester I didn’t get to have. I also wasn’t sure if i’d ever experience it. At first, I wasn’t sure I wanted to get pregnant again, then there was the unfounded fear that I wouldn’t be able to, and then there was the very real fear that I wouldn’t make it that far. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it’s like I focused a lot of my anger on anything to do with the third trimester.

So,now I’m here. It doesn’t really any different, except maybe I can breathe a little easier, but I feel that way every morning, regardless of any milestones. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that time will really start flying now. I don’t want to wish time away because I love being pregnant and want to savor every moment, but I know I’ll be feeling much better emotionally as we get closer to the end.

Well, maybe. Dave and I were discussing last night that as much as we don’t want to, we may be those parents – the overprotective, nervous, clingy parents we were always sure we’d never be. I think knowing how it feels to lose your child, your heart, makes it more difficult to avoid. Hopefully we won’t do too much emotional damage.

4 thoughts on “Third Trimester

  1. I can totally relate on despising hearing people discuss the third trimester. Or complaining about wanting the baby out because they’re not comfy anymore. I’m so glad that you’re passing old scary milestones, and feeling more positive each day. And yes, you probably WILL be ‘those’ parents.. at least for a while. But over time, you relax. It’s scary anyway, but you sort of get used to the fear after a while.. and it’s not as all-consuming.

  2. Hello, I’ve just stumbled across your blog in my desperate search to find others that have suffered as I have. Firstly I’m so sorry for the loss of your little Jillian. I only lost my daughter Mallory just over six weeks ago (at 25w5d) and the pain is unbelievable.

    This post of your really hit home as I was just thinking this morning how terrifying the next pregnancy will be and how I didn’t get my third trimester last time. If we get that far next time will I be able to relax and enjoy it?

    I do hope you are able to enjoy the last portion of this pregnancy before your little boy comes along. Also, as annoying as those clingy & over-protective parents seemed before losing a child, now it hardly seems worth worrying about. You will be good parents, and if you are a little over the top with protecting him – well, there’s worse things to be.

  3. Jenny, I am so very sorry for your loss. If you ever need someone to talk to, please send me an email at megan at afterjillian dot com.

    As for this pregnancy, I really have enjoyed it. There have been terrifying moments and periods, and it’s all very bittersweet, but it is so much better than I had anticipated. I loved being pregnant with Jillian, and I’ve loved it with this one, too. I hope that you will get to enjoy another pregnancy someday.

  4. Congrats on the third trimester!! I remember breating a slight sigh of relief at this point, but it can still be scary. Its ok to be overprotective…I think BLM’s have earned that right, but most importantly our babies are soooo loved!!

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