We’ve been very busy because I just typed “Thursday” and then “Tuesday” into the title box until I realized it’s only Monday. Things have continued to go well, but it’s been nonstop action. It’s hard for me to blog because I can only do it from my phone. The hospital has decided that my blog contains adult content, so I can’t get to it on the hospital’s wi-fi. It’s hard to do much of anything because we’re back and forth every three hours, and it’s like it’s time to go back to the NICU as soon as we finish everything we have to do in between visits (mainly pumping and eating).
Ian is doing great. We got to make our first attempt at breastfeeding Saturday night. It was wonderful. The nurse put him into my arms, and he latched on with no help and started sucking. He gets worn out from it pretty quickly, plus he kept pulling his head back to stare at me, so I’m pretty certain he didn’t get anything, especially because my milk is just coming in, but he did a great job. Yesterday wasn’t so easy. The nurse who was helping insisted on me holding him in a way that was totally uncomfortable for me, then she kept pushing his head into me, then she kept telling me to relax. I don’t think she understood that she was the reason I couldn’t relax – not breastfeeding. She’s a very nice woman but I hope she won’t be “helping” us anymore. Ian and I are both much better at it when we just do what comes naturally to us. That’s how we handled it last night and this morning, and it was much better. He did pull my glasses off my face at one point, and he keeps reminding all of us how strong he is by doing pushups off my chest.
In other bodily function news, I have now been peed on twice, and we’ve learned he likes clean diapers to poop in, because he poops immediately after we’ve changed his diaper, plus one time when I was in the middle of changing his diaper. I think his dad put him up to that. Just when I thought I couldn’t love Dave any more than I already did, he told me the lines to the song he sings to Ian. It goes something like “Ian peanut, you are my peanut. Ian peanut likes to pee on himself. Ian peanut likes to pee on mommy. Ian peanut, Daddy’s the only one smart enough not to get peed on.” I’m sure I don’t have the exact words here, but you get the idea. Who knew that a song about pee would make me fall in love all over again?
So that’s how things are going. Our two NICU experiences have been like night and day. One of our nurses told us at one point that the most exciting thing she’d done all day was turn Ian’s head. That was never the case with Jillian’s stay. Dave mentioned this morning how the doctors pretty much ignore us, and how nice that is. We’ve been very fortunate this time. It’s hard to shake the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. At one point when I was holding my little snuggle buddy, I thought to myself that if anything happens, at least I’d always have the memory of that moment. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to turn that kind of thinking off.
Hopefully things will continue to go as well as they have been. I could sit here and go on and on about how in love I am. I mentioned to Dave the other night that I’ve never been so happy in my entire life. Even though Ian could never, ever, ever take Jillian’s place, the amount of healing he has provided is amazing. When we stare into each other’s eyes, or I see him looking up to lock eyes with Dave, I wonder what I did to deserve something so wonderful. I’m going to make myself puke, but seriously, just thinking about him makes my heart pound.
And with that, I’m going to try to squeeze in a nap before it’s time for him to eat again. I don’t think that will be hard to do, seeing how I’ve nodded off about ten times while typing this. Thank you for all your well wishes and support. I’m sorry to anyone who is emailing, texting, calling, etc. that I haven’t gotten back to. I’m getting out of the hospital on Wednesday, and I’ll definitely have a little more free time then. I’m planning on spending as much time as I can here, but I also need to spend some time at home, too.