That’s where Ian is. He’s currently asleep about two feet from me. I’m starting to realize the NICU is a lot noisier than I realized because he’s been making almost nonstop noise since we walked in the door. I normally get really annoyed with loud breathers and snorers, but I like that he’s so loud. I can’t even describe what it’s like to look over and see him here. On one hand, it’s like “holy crap, there’s really a baby here,” but on the other, I already forget what it’s like without him here, even though he’s only been home for a couple of hours.

He’s already choked once since we got home. Surprisingly, it’s a lot less scary to have him choke when he’s not hooked up to monitors. In the NICU, everything starts ringing and flashing, and I can see what happens to his heart rate. When I happens here, I just sit him up, make sure he’s okay, and move along. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want it to ever happen again, but I’m feeling a little better about the fact that it probably will.

We thought bringing a baby home was going to be very emotional for us, but it actually wasn’t. There’s obviously still plenty of time for us to be emotional, and I think we were probably too nervous about bringing home to be emotional about how we never got to bring Jillian home. I did get a little choked up about leaving the NICU last night, but it was because I was thinking about how I’ve spent the past 17 days in the same place where Jilly lived her life. I’ll also really miss some of the nurses and doctors. I don’t think I could ever say enough about how amazing the people are there.

So now we’re going to enjoy our little man. The past thirteen/fourteen months were not what we had planned, but I feel like we’ve finally gotten where we’re supposed to be. I can’t say I wouldn’t change anything, and I’ll never stop wishing that we had Jillian here with us, but I feel like we’re going to be okay. Actually, we’re going to be great. We’re going to have the happy life that we promised her we’d strive for and I feel like we have her to thank for it.

13 thoughts on “Home

  1. CONGRATULATIONS!!! And thank you for sharing your story/feelings. Especially the last paragraph. It helps others in ways you’ll never know! So happy for your family!

  2. This is great news….Congratulations on bringing your baby home!! Can’t wait to hear more about baby Ian in the future. ((Hugs and love))

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