Mother’s Day was very different for me this year. Last year, I woke up with a pit in my stomach, feeling about as lonely as I’d ever been. Today, I woke up to a hungry little peanut who greeted me with a huge smile. I did feel some twinges of sadness throughout the day. I still think of Jillian every day, and it’s hard not to think of who isn’t here on days like this. On top of that, I had to deal with questions and comments about this being my first Mother’s Day all week. It was mostly strangers asking if it was my first, and I didn’t lie. It made things a little awkward for some people, but whatever. Somebody in this house accidentally bought me a card that said “Happy First Mother’s Day” on the front. I’d be giving him a serious guilt trip if I knew he didn’t feel bad enough already. He made sure I had a very nice day, though.
Our March for Babies was yesterday, speaking of days being different. First of all, it wasn’t a constant downpour of rain like last year, which was nice. It did end up pouring, but most of the day was nice. I finally met an internet friend who was so supportive when Jillian was born (hi Sam!). We missed each other at least year’s walk, and somehow she managed to find me this year despite the giant crowd.
One of the other highlights of our day was seeing one of Ian’s primary nurses. She about ripped him out of my arms, which was lovely. He gave her some smiles and told her some stories. My heart melted when she gave him a kiss. We also saw one of the doctors we met while we were there, who happens to be married to the leader of the support group we went to after Jillian died. It’s such a small world.
So it’s been a good weekend. Ian’s going to be four months old on Saturday, which completely blows my mind. We’ve been getting out more and more now that the weather is getting nicer, and he’s more fun to play with every day. In other words, life is still fabulous.