Today’s appointment went pretty well. The best news is that my uterus looked totally fine during the c-section. It’s one less thing we have to worry about. My uterus is back to its normal size, my cervix has closed, and the nurse practitioner said I’m healing perfectly. I’m also cleared to start exercising on Saturday, thank goodness.
We set up an appointment with the high risk OB in the practice for next month. As scared as I am for this consultation, I’m looking forward to it. As we discussed with our grief counselor, the only way we will be able to relax at all during my future pregnancies is if we find a high risk doctor we trust. I really hope we like her and we can come up with a plan we’re all comfortable with, for no reason other than I would hate to have to leave this practice. I really feel like everyone there (with the exception of the awful nurse I mentioned before) cares.
For example, we were discussing anti-anxiety drugs and anti-depressants and their safety during pregnancy today. I said I feel like I’m going to need something during my next pregnancy, mainly because I will be a nervous wreck. The nurse practitioner (who, by the way, called me the Saturday night after Jillian died to see how I was doing and to tell me how sorry she was) said she understands, and said, “we’ll all be a little bit of a wreck next time.” I realize that it doesn’t exactly sound like a vote of confidence, but it was the most compassionate thing she could have said. I would rather have her be totally honest with me than pretend it will definitely be okay. She has assured us multiple times that they will do anything and everything to ease our minds next time (well, except for send an ultrasound machine and tech home with us), and I know she means it.
The OB who performed my c-section came in to say hello before we left. I was touched that she came in because she certainly didn’t have to, and we wouldn’t have thought a thing of it if she hadn’t. I was even more touched by the emotion she showed when she told us how sorry she was for everything we’ve been through. It amazes me how almost everyone in this huge practice has made me feel like they actually care. It’s probably because they do. If the people we’ve dealt with already are any indication, the high risk doctor is probably wonderful.