Not again

Yesterday, another poster on a message board I frequent lost her preemie son. His name is Aidan. He was born at 28 weeks and lived for eight days. He had a brain bleed, like Jillian.

The night that Aidan was born, I was on the phone with Dave (he was traveling) and I fell to my knees, sobbing. I could not bear the thought of another preemie, another potential loss, or another potential grieving mother. I begged someone, anyone, to let this baby live and spare these parents of the pain that Dave and I have been suffering.

When I first learned that he had suffered a hemorrhage, I wanted to find a way to fix him, but I obviously couldn’t. I tried to separate myself from the situation and not dwell on it. It brought too many memories back, and rubbed salt in my still fresh wounds. Instead, I couldn’t think about anything else. I tried everything to be hopeful, but finding hope so soon after Jillian’s death is easier said than done. Still, I begged the universe to let him live, and I started to believe that their story would be different.

His parents said goodbye to him yesterday. It is impossible not to have a flood of emotions return. My heart aches for that family. They’ll get through this, just like we have, but I’m so angry that this has happened again. I wish I could take their pain for them. It’s just so unfair.

Rest in peace, Aidan.